The Evil Fanfic
by Tessabe
Summary: This was something I wrote for a challenge. It's dedicated to the Mary Sue, so concider yourself warned. (Upgraded due to Blond Elves wearing Nothing But their Grins)
1. Default Chapter

**This was written for the Evil challenge. The point was to write a bad fic. This one will be dedicated to the Mary Sue. Keep in mind that this is totally tongue in cheek. Mercedes owns all, though I think In this case, she might wish she didn't. **

**(Note- I've read the Mary sue references) _Please bear in mind this is meant to be excruciating. You have been warned._ if I was truly evil half of this page would be filled with a conversation between me and a nonexistent muse, but oh well, you are spared. I only have 1000 words to work with.**

Sierra Rowena Illianna Kethern sat quietly in her chair, her perfect ebon locks flowing down her back, she closed her emerald eyes and sighed. "Don't slouch" her mother's voice snapped.

"But I'm bored" she said in a musical voice.

"You must make a good impression on Lord Gerdley" her mother said.

"But he's a troll" she said with a shudder.

(_Never mind that trolls don't exist here_)

"He's rich and has connections in Haven, you must marry him" her mother said sternly.

"I can't" she cried flinging one hand dramatically up to her forehead. "Ow"she said, as the gesture was a little more forceful than planned.

She leaped to her feet, sobbing as she ran from the room. She ran to the gardens, the tears running silently down her face like jewels of , jewels of some kind anyway. Her face stayed perfectly smooth and pale, defying the ravages of her tears (_I'm sorry I couldn't resist, are you gagging yet_).The musical chimes of a Companions hooves startled her from her angst ridden crying fit. She looked up caught in his sapphire eyes.

:I choose you, what was your name again: the Companion asked.

"Sierra Rowena Illianna Kethern" she said, waiting hopefully.

:Oh: there was a pause as the poor beast debated whether he would be able to continue.

:Alright, I choose you, by the way my name is Greggory: he said.

"Save me from my parents evil plans" she cried dramatically.

Greggory stood there stunned, he wracked his brain trying to think of any way he could undo what he had just done, nope. She was only nauseating, not evil.

He sighed and said :Let us go now forth to your glorious destiny: he stopped, shocked at what had come from his, er mind.

She mounted perfectly, every fold in her flowing gown fell exactly as it should and he trotted off to her glorious destiny.

:You've ridden before: Greggory asked.

"No, everything I do just seems to come naturally for me, it doesn't matter what it is" she said, modestly. Her hair drifted behind her in the wind of their passing, but strangely kept perfectly groomed.

As they stopped in the first Village on their route to Haven, the whole village came out from their homes to bask in her beauty and grace. They had never seen such a sight.

"Here have some pies" the Innkeeper said.

"Thank you" she said accepting his gift. As they left the village the people trailed in her wake, saddened to be losing sight of her, just when they had found her.

* * *

She looked up at the gates of the city "This place is big" she said, awe filling her musical voice.

:Yeah, big: her Companion said in a depressed voice, he felt ill, just two weeks in her company, how was he going to stand the rest of his life. He must have been something truly evil in his past life (_Do I even need to comment here_).

They got to the palace and the Queen and her court all waited to welcome her. "Oh, my dear. We have been waiting for you. We have needed a herald mage with the bardic, healing, mindspeach, fetching, firestarting and well if I can remember more gifts you have what we need" the Queen gushed. (_I think I'm going to be ill_).

"Thank you my queen..." she trailed off noticing a boy to the side. She got lost in his eyes, her soul joined instantly. Strangely the welcoming crowd disappeared and she was alone with the boy, soft violins playing in the background. She ran in slow motion towards him as he did the same, the hugged each other tightly as they met and looked in each other''s eyes.

"I love you" they both said together.

"What's your name" she asked.

"Harry, Harry Potter" he said.

**I just couldn't resist the last part, it was too perfect. Was this evil enough for you?**

_**If you decide to flame this, know that I actually share your opinion. This is supposed to be bad. And unfotunately for you someone dared me to post this here.**_


	2. Chapter 2 It Won't Die

**Well, because I've been asked to do this, I'm adding to this thing. Keep in mind, I've never read the Harry Potter books, so this should be pretty bad, which is the point after all. (I'll be checking the Harry Potter fic's to get names (Gruesome huh?) This chapter is dedicated to the really obnoxious crossover. And so we have an evil one-shot that wouldn't die. What else can I do to this thing.**

_**Oh, and I'm feeling particularly evil today, so be warned. I'm actually going to make three muses. Three, three muses for the price of one. Fun for me anyway.**_

**Me: So, any ideas today?**

**Tellos the scurvy thief: I could empty the palace coffers.**

**Me: Bad, bad, Tellos. It's not in the plot.**

**Tellos: Oh darn.(_Or should I say curses, Nah, it's not Pirates of the Carribean or a bad silent movie, though it could be interesting to tie Sierra to the train tracks, but then this torture would end._). Hey does this thing actually have a plot?**

**Me: No comment**

**Lord Jori the obnoxious noble: You are too far beneath me to give you any ideas, peon.**

**Tellos: heh heh heh, nice purse you had.**

**Lord Jori: Hey give that back.**

**Tellos: make me, ow ow ow.**

**Lord Jori: that's what you get, jerk.**

**Me: Hey behave!**

**Tellos and Lord Jori: Butt out, peon.**

**Dorina the bad tempered Companion: snort.**

**Me: (_shoving uncooperating muses back into the pit they came from_) I guess I'll be doing this thing myself.**

Chapter 2

_Our heroine and her Lifebonded have settled into Haven, but all is not well. Harrys friends plot to save their friend from the evil Mary Sue (or at least nauseating, just about the same thing anyway)_

**Ha ha, just to be evil I'm ending this here. You will have to wait for the rest of chapter 2 (_I'm sure you're just heartbroken about that)_**


	3. Chapter 2,3 Or Maybe 4,5 and 6

**This is what happens when I get together with my evil family, In case you're wondering where I get my warped mind it's genetic...er...generic um...geriatric...NEVER MIND!**

Chapter 2 Or at least the third chapter posted as chapter 2. Well, you get the idea anyway.

Or...since I'm in a particularly evil mood, I may just fast forward to chapters 4, 5 and 6 and make you wait 20 years for chapters 1,2 and 3 all over again.

Except this time the characters will really suck.

One of them may just happen to don a perennially out of fashion purple and red striped scarf (but I'm unclear about the color, really, for I am rather color blind. At least for the purposes of this fic. Or should I call it an "Ick"). If you hate me for it, call someone who cares. I think the phone booth is open.

A Tribble for you troubles, you say? Don't Kling-On to the past. I-hura that the king is dead. It's OK, he will be back. You know, just like Mary Sue and Jason and Freddie. They never go very far.

Where do they go? Cleveland? Maybe they are visiting relatives. It's not true opposites attract. I'm sure that there is a Mary Sue compound somewhere. Like souls tend to congregate. They probably have conventions. I'm not sure though; that's just a rumor.

How blasphemous of me! Mocking the Holy Trinity! I am just playing the Devil's Advocate, after all. O say Keanu see...

Oracle Schmoracle. I can bake cookies. I call them Ma-Triskits.

If the prior three were the Holy Trinity, then my Ma-Triskits would be those little tasteless wafer thingies. Got Whine? And if that is the case, Token would be the, er...token testament?

Is Mary Sue's last name Keebler? Just wondering...

Parsley, sage, rosemary and...what? Aragon? Can you put that on a roast? _(Ahhhhhh-herrr-ahhhh...uh. I carack myself up!_)

An Orc is an Orc, of course, of course! But no one can talk to an Orc of course unless he's Mr. Scary Wizzard Guy. New type: the bad guy you can't remember who always has really bad hair. Boo!

Oh I digress..What about poor little Miss Mary Sue Keebler? We shant forget her. Even if we try. But we can forget that precocious little schmuck with the big round eyeglasses. God, he's annoying. He's on my short list of those I'd like to bitch-slap before I die. Did I say that out loud?

Ok kids and cohorts, here's for the finale. But alas, I apologize. I can't honestly remember how this dreck ends. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the credit were rolling. The good news is, the Director's second cousin's former roommate got an honorable mention as the gaffer's gopher.

So, the saga ends and the light come up.

My credits include, Tessabe: The Magnificent...and my two real life evil muses: the Sinister Sister Canibal Kisster and the Malevolent Madre who can't stand the Padre.

Thus, this real life trinity bodes you... That's it. I'm all outta stuff. No more goodies for you, Kiddie Koodle. It's time for your bedtime anyway. Now off with your head! Don't let the bug beds get you! HAPPY SNAKKIN!

THE END.


	4. Ch 2 Or at Least Ch 4 Posted as Ch 2

**OK, now to be back on track, Notice the end doesn't even mean the end, like the Mary Sue, the evil fic comes back to life. I've had a request, kill the Mary Sue. It's a thought, but regretfully even in an evil fic there is the little problem of doing it without killing Greggory. I'll give it some thought. Perhaps if he's truly distraught he won't care if he dies. (Oh, and if you do decide to poke your eyes out, just think you won't be able to read this thing anymore)**

_**Nows lets just forget the Crossover crap. This next chapter is dedicated to the love scene as written by the "dried up old virgin that has never gotten any, but reads really bad romance novels, so she's pretty sure she knows where everything goes" ( For the sake of the story, I admit nothing)**_

Chapter 2 Or at least chapter 4 Written as Chapter 2 Continued and Back on Track. (_God_ _help us_)

Harry grabs Sierra Rowena Illianna Ketherns hand and pulled her towards the Collegium. "Let me show you your new home" he says excitedly.

She nods shyly and follows him as he shows her the whole place. They pick up a following as they walk as the other students bask in her beauty and grace (_Wait didn't I_ _already write this somewhere? Oh, never mind. If it works keep using it_)

Harry glances back at the parade behind them, an annoyed look on his face, curses he thought, I really really really wanted to get her alone and have my evil way with her.

Finally he comes to the door of her room, he turns to the, by now large group following them and snaps his fingers (they all disappear in a puff of smoke). Grinning he opens the door and ushers her into the room. He stops cold and stares in shock at the blond elf lounging on her bed wearing nothing but his grin. (_My sisters idea of Mary Sue Keebler_ _gave me an evil idea_)

"Who are you" Harry gasped, never mind the question of how a blond elf wearing nothing but his grin would be doing laying on Sierras bed in the Collegium anyway.

"Leggy" Sierra gasped (_What is it with fanfiction writers that they mangle names like this_ _anyway?_)

"Huh" Harry looks at his lifebonded like he never knew her (Considering_ they never set_ _eyes on each other before this fic, it's a pretty accurate assessment_)

"There's something I have to tell you" she said looking into Harrys eyes.

"What my love, It can't be that bad. I can forgive you anything" he said, staring back into her eyes (_Never mind the blond elf wearing nothing but his grin, lying on her bed in the collegium)_

"I'm Married" she said, a tear running down her cheek. (_Notice in all romance novels,_ _there is an Issue that separates our hero and heroine, or darn I've just admitted I read the things. We'll just pretend I didn't say that)_

"To who" he asked, never mind the blond elf, er, well you get the idea by now.

"To me. She's married to me" Legolas said, pointing out what I hope would be obvious by now.

"That's not true, it can't be" Harry cried, overcome with sorrow.

"Oh, yes it is" Legolas cried.

"Is not" says Harry.

"Is too" says Legolas.

"Is Not" says Harry.

"Is too" says Legolas.

"Is Not" says Legolas.

"Is too" says Harry.

(_Wait something's not right here, Oh well, too bad_)

Sierra just stands there, her head going back and forth as she watches the argument. Unfortunately this gives her a concussion as her tiny little mind bounces back in forth in her skull."Stop it" she cries. They both shut up and stare at her, she never shouts. "I have a headache" she says, shoving both out the door. (_ never mind the blond elf wearing nothing but his frown, standing cold and almost alone, except for his new rival, in the hallway outside the now shut door of his wifes room) _

The two look into each others eyes and say. "I love you" They stare into each others eyes, lost until Sierra opens the door or until the next chapter (_whichever comes first_)

**You can blame this chapter on the guy who dared me to post this thing here in the first place. I thought I was done, but he pointed out that the last two chapter were a little confusing. I agree, I was going for Wicked not stupid, or revolting. Actually maybe I was and now that I've started again, I'm getting more ideas (_Be afraid, be__very Afraid_)**


	5. Ch 2, Posted as Ch 5 because I'm Lazy

**I think I'm starting to get afraid here myself. Have my babies? Er, um, I'm not really sure how to respond to that one, except to say I'm not sure that's physically possible. Not that I'm planning to take you up on the offer.**

_**So who to dedicate this little bit of Evil to, Hmmm.**_

Chapter 2 (Again) posted as chapter 5 Because I'm too lazy to finish writing the Last Chapter.

The next morning Sierra opened her door, surprised to see the blond elf wearing nothing but a goofy grin and her lifebonded Harry standing there staring into each others eyes._(If I was truly evil I would have said large blond elf)_

"Huh?" she said. (_Not the most original thing a person may say, but then she's not a morning person. Oops sorry, Mary Sues are perfect. Oh well, a chink in her persona not the worst thing that can happen_)

The two goofy guys broke apart, staring at her in confusion.

"Oh, it's you" Harry said.

Mary Sue, oops I mean Sierra Rowena Illianna Kethern frowned, she wasn't used to being out of the center of attention.

"Don't frown dear, I'll give you wrinkles" said the Blond elf that... etc. etc. named Legolas .

"I can't get wrinkles, I'm a Mary Sue" she said.

"Really" he said looking at her hopefully.

"Nope and I never die and never grow old." she said.

Legolas smiled and now Harry was the one to frown, he looked up and asked "What about when your Companion Greggory dies?"

Now both of the others frowned at him "This is an evil fanfic, it never happens in those, you don't grow old either" Mary er, Sierra said to him sternly.

(_Now we hear the faint sound of moaning coming from Companions field_)

"Oh, Ok" he said.

(_Now does this inane conversation seem to be getting to you as well? I think it's time to move on to better... er worse things. At least you can just turn off the computer when this gets to be too much. This stuff is stuck in my head, pity me, pity me now)_

"Come let us go eat Breakfast" Sierra said to her two guys. They followed and soon the three came to the collegium eating place.

(_You know I'm sort of waiting for someone to mention the large blond naked elf, but no one seems to notice_)

The three sat at their own table and breakfast went quickly, though Sienna has to nudge both in the sides from time to time, so that they stop staring and start eating _(Quite a trick to nudge a naked elf without bursting into laughter)_

Sierra next went to the deans office two guys in tow, one naked and one dressed in his wrinkled unwashed clothing (_Appealing image_?)

_( I know it's evil, but I can't bring myself to clothe Legolas, it's just too funny the way it is, sorry if I offend. Don't bombard me with reviews from PETE (People for the Ethical Treatment of Elves))_

The Dean was still shaking his head in disbelief as she left with her trail of men, at least the two she had collected so far. At least the guys liked each other now, they had worked things out. (_At least that's how I'm going to say it_)

Finally towards evening Sierra and her two guys walked back to her room, they entered and stopped in shock at the...did you expect me to say the (fill in the blank) guy wearing only a grin? Sorry to disapoint, it was just Neo from the Matrix leaning against the wall and watching as the three walked in.

He was dressed in black as he usually was. If you are wondering why he would be here in this place...well, it's my story and if I want him to join our little party I can very well write him in, besides when has this thing ever made sense anyway.

"Hello" Sierra said, uncertainly.

**And now, just to be evil. This chapter ends in this cliff hanger, our heroine alone in her room at night with Harry Potter, a naked elf and Neo. What a combination. You can fill in the blanks yourself. (Evil laughter as the screen fades to black)**

**AN: I've said before that I've never read Harry Potter, I do have a DVD of the first movie, but never bothered to watch it and I have seen part of the Chamber of secrets. Not the whole thing (_somehow I think it's not quite the same as reading the books) _So this makes me uniquely qualified to write a truly horrendous fic. I did see Lord of the Rings, but never read the book, though I have started the Simm(_whatever the thing is called_)ularian**


	6. Chapter 3 Not Chapter 2 We Move On

_**Note: This is supposed to be horrible, but hilarious. It was the effect I was going for when I started this thing. **_

**Well Sierra seems to be collecting guys, as Mary Sues are usually based on the Author, is this really a bad thing? Hey wait, I do not have a tiny little mind, and I don't think I'm nauseating, at least I hope not. And the last time I checked I haven't ever been Chosen, I think I'd be the first one to know If that happened. Oh, and as far as I know I've never been married to a large naked elf. (_Could have been_ _interesting though_)**

_**This chapter is dedicated to all those who live for reviews "The I won't post another chapter unless I get 10 million reviews" I'd put that down, but I have the feeling that as evil as this is, people would stop reviewing in self defense. As it is all I can promise is that if you give an interesting review it will probably make it's way into the authors notes.**_

Chapter 3 (finally) But not Chapter 2 Anymore, So Now We Move On. But not org. Or Orc as the case may be. Posted as Chapter 6

The next morning our trio...er quartet trotted out to the baths, as our Mary Sue got to thinking that perhaps she had better start treating her men better. (_I had a thought, should I have her pick up a man a chapter? Hmmm. Nah, I'm not that evil, at least until I talk myself into it) (The guy who dared me to post this thing mentioned a candidate for the job, but I'd have to think about it before I torture another poor innocent character, at least ones not in Mercedes' books.) _

Sierra met up with her guys in the corridor outside the baths. She smiled to see them all, then turned walking to breakfast then her first class of the day. In History the four of them started gathering looks, though most of the other students had heard the strange story and knew who she was. (_After all, how many elves, especially naked ones would you find in Valdemar?)_

They all followed her to each of her classes (_I won't bore you with the details, I'm not that evil). _Then they all walked out to Companions field, she frowned as he looked through the field for Greggory. Where was he, she thought. She spent the next candlemark looking for him, her time with him almost over, she found him behind the stables.

:Oh Greggory: she sent running to his side.

He winced and hung his head as she hugged him.

:Oh sweety, I've missed you so much: she gushed as she hugged him harder.

:Even last night: he asked, luckily for him she had set her shields high and had blocked him out (I'm not that much of a sadist).

"Of course" she said confused.

He gave her a look wondering if there was something he had missed about his Chosen.

"We had so much fun last night, we...played scrabble" she said with a smile.

Silence :Oh, is that what you call it:

"Of course" she said confused.

(_You know this is getting annoying, I think I'll be going on to the next scene or chapter whichever comes first and considering my short attention span...Oh, never mind)_

I was going to have our quartet go to weapons practice, but I think I will wait until Legolas is wearing clothes, I don't think I need to go into my reasoning there, lets just say I'm not that evil. Besides after looking at the Authors rant on the bottom of the page, you'll see this is just a shameless plug for reviews. Which is after all as much of a point as this Chapter is going to have.

I think I will end here, but don't worry (Or jump for joy) I have the outlines of 2 more chapters ready to finish, as I've been doing it that way since I began this...well, I don't exactly know what to call it.

_**AR: (Author's rant) Or perhaps it should be ARGH: Well for PETE's sake. I was going to put some clothes on him this chapter, but as I am a contrary cuss and this chapter is dedicated to the person who craves reviews...All I'm going to say is if 9 more people review requesting clothes for Legolas, I'll do it. **_

_**You know "Clothes for Legolas" sounds like a cause. Besides you can't get blood out of a turnip. A million dollars? Get real. Oh, and while we are on the topic of litigation,it occurred to me last night, I've added alot of characters to our cast that Mercedes doesn't own, well I don't either. So there.**_

_**(You just have to know, I was just waiting for someone to respond to that little bit, thanks for biting)**_


	7. Chapter 4 Bet You're Dismayed

**Oh my God! I just dreamed a Harry Potter fic this morning, Agrhhhh. It's eating my brain. I'm sure you really wanted to know that. OK, I've gotten myself under control now. Besides, as I didn't write the thing down it's fading away as we speak. You should be thanking me for that.**

**I just had a thought. Why hasn't anyone reviewed me asking why her mother was trying to marry Sierra off to the hapless Lord Gerdley when she was already married to a large naked elf? I mean, what a large gaping plot hole! Not that this thing has a plot anyway. (_I've actually left that just to see if anyone would notice. I'm just evil that way)_**

_**Oh, and for your reading enjoyment, I dedicated this chapter to the grossly OOC, so every character (From the books) will be acting very strangely, perhaps it's something in the water, or a curse. Yeah that's it, The Curse of the Evil Fanfic. Hey that sounds like a good name for a sequel.**_

Chapter 4 I Bet You are Totally Shocked and Dismayed That I've Actually Advanced this Thing. Posted as Chapter 7. Or is it 8? I get Confused, no it's 7

The next Morning, ah, sorry to censor (Though with Sierra, perhaps you are having more fun imagining than if I actually described the scene) Just think about it ...or not. After all I have no control on what you do in your free time.

You know, I'm starting to wonder if I should be bringing in Jerry Springer here. But no, the guys are getting along too well, except Neo. (Hey I like him so, no getting along with the other guys for him).

As for the others Harry is a little young for me and Legolas, he's OK, but If I went gaga over him I wouldn't have been parading him around naked (I'd be keeping the image for myself). As for Neo, he's keeping his clothes, if I did to him what I did to Legolas, I'd be too busy drooling at the mental image to write. Hey, I like his...eyes. I'm guessing this is more than you wanted to know, so I move on to the next scene.

As our quartet walks down the corridor they come to a door, light appeared to be leaking through the edges of it and Sierra frowned slightly, feeling what she assumed must be magic (After all a totally untrained mage is always ready to handle strong magics and we may very well guess that this is the Heartstone (You have to know I'm Kidding, Right?), something that as a Mary Sue that she is well qualified to deal with)

She pushed the door open to the sight of Elspeth, Darkwind and Firesong standing in a circle around the heartstone.(Yeah, yeah I know Firesong's not actually supposed to be there, but as he's heard of our Mary Sue, he just had to come and teach her. Perhaps she'll be the next Vanyel) Never mind that she's just arrived. I think it's well established this thing makes no sense whatsoever.

(_Oh, I'm wondering if you can guess where this is going as this is the grossly OOC chapter, I'll give you a hint (Shayach, not shayach etc. Another man in her harem at least for this chapter)_) You've gotta know, I'm holding my hand over my mouth. Whether in horror or illness I haven't yet decided.

Sierra stepped in trailed by her men, A little crowded I know, but an interesting mental image you've got to admit. Sierra, Elspeth, Darkwind, Firesong, a naked elf, Harry and Neo crowed into one small room, with the Heartstone.

If you see no point to this exercise, you are not alone. Perhaps I should just move on to the next chapter and spare you the thought of Firesong and Sierra and Harry and Neo and the Naked elf. Yeah, I'd just better do that.

**PS: Petey Honey, Sure have the cookies if you wish as they are tasteless, not unlike this fic. But I still reserve the right to keep Legolas naked. PPS: (Or perhaps PMS)It's a little hard to trash something the author keeps trashing herself. Like I give a Rip.**


	8. Ch 5 Sharp Pointy Objects and Pointless

**I just had an evil thought, remember the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Why not do the Valdemar version. Hey disclaimer time, don't own it, wish I did bla bla bla...bla bla...bla bla...**

**Oh man...I just had the scene with the dancing knights run through my head, only this time we had elves wearing only their grins...shaking head trying to remove image. I think I'd better not explore this idea now, for my own sanity. **

**(_What's that you say? Sane you are sane? Well, I thought I was, at least no one has carted me away yet. Hey just who exactly am I talking to anyway? NEVER MIND!)_**

**OK, that's enough of the Large Naked elves. (_Besides I want to have fun with weapons practice)_**

**AN: (I was going to put something mocking here, but as I've had a couple of stalkers in my life, I've thought the better of it. And that's all I'm saying about that)**

_**And so we come to this chapters dedication. The fight scene as written by the person who knows little or nothing of swords and weaponswork, but thinks she can bluff her way through. As a little bonus we have Neos kung fu crap, something I know...well, little or nothing about.**_

Chapter 5 An Array of Sharp Pointy Objects and Pointless Plot, Posted as Chapter 8

The next morning, (_have you noticed something strange? Each Chapter seems to be another Day, kinda makes you dread tomorrow, huh_?) Sierra and her three men, well I think it's three as we spared Firesong in time. Our quartet trotted off to their well earned breakfast (_And what did they do to earn breakfast you ask? You just don't want to know_)

Have you noticed they only seem to be eating breakfast, you'd think that only one meal a day is all the trainees and their men are fed. I noticed another thing, no one in any story (Not just mine) seems to need to use the bathroom. Now I know it's an alternate universe, but that's ridiculus.

Please excuse my weird musings, it's just the kind of thing that pops into my my mind at odd moments when I'm reading a book. (I'm sure you wanted to know that)

Sierra looked at her list of classes "Oh, we have weapons practice" she sighed, this wasn't something she had done before and she wasn't sure she wanted to risk messing up her hair. She just wasn't sure how far the _Mary Sue Magic_ would go, perhaps she didn't have to worry, but you never know (And of course we all know appearance is everything)

Legolas perked up and Neo looked interested, they had been getting a little bored trotting along in our Marys wake. This might be interesting, not boring anyway. Harry? He just shrugged, it wasn't something he was familiar with, but he was willing to try.

Finally they all trotted into the Salle, Kerowyn took a double take and not because of Legolas, at least not because he's naked. I think I've established he's wearing clothes for this one. The look on her face was indescribable and as this isn't the OOC chapter anymore she will be running Sierra through the ringer. You have to know if this scene really happened this is the way it would play out.

For all those Mary Sue Haters, this chapters for you, or if I get an evil impulse we will skip to the Neo, Harry and Legolas part. Nah, I don't really like Mary Sue myself so I'm having fun with this.

"So, what experience and what weapons do you have?" Kerowyn finally asked when she got her voice back.

Sierra: Nothing, my parents didn't think it was a good pastime for a Lady of Breeding. (_Do you hear the ominous pause, the calm before the storm?_)

Neo: I can do Kung Fu and blow the bad guys away.

Kerowyn just looked at him in confusion as there is no Kung Fu or guns in Valdemar. (_And somehow the image of him huffing and puffing at the bad guys just doesn't have the same impact)_

Legolas: I am a fair archer and have used my sword in battle, I am also a very good tracker and I can run very very fast for long distances.

Kero nodded, she would see.

Harry: I don't have alot of experience with these things, but I'm very good at that wizard game thingie and I'm good at dodging flying objects.

Kero tested the guys, she was pleased with Legolas and his archery skills, she finally set him to swords practice against one of the guards who practiced here from time to time.

She shook her head in confusion as Neo took out everyone she set against him with his bare hands. The time dilation stuff was a little confusing as well. It's a little strange when you've been thrown to float up in the air until you hit the ground hard, but hey, that's part of his magic.

Harry, she set to practicing with one of the other students who taught beginners.

And finally the thing we've been all waiting for she turns to Sierra (_You can almost hear the ominous music, you know the kind. In a horror movie you just know someones gonna die, usually a Mary Sue type)_

Kero gives the girl an evil grin, or she would if she wasn't a professional, but you know deep down inside, that's what's happening. (_Oh, she's going down You must be thinking_)

But Nah, she's a Mary Sue, she can do anything, If you don't believe me check out some of the fics on this site. I mean really, when have you ever heard of a small child chopping down large trees with one swing of her sword (_Hey, I actually read that in one, couldn't get much further either. Oh, and if you recognize that one as your fic, sorry. But I wouldn't try responding in a review, I mean, just think, do you want to admit to writing something like that?)._

Kero had Sierra pick a sword, just to see if she could judge it's weight and balance. Of course she picked the right one and when Kero walked forward to start the bout, Sierra was able to easily disarm her with a twist of her wrist and a fancy step. (_I'm not commenting on the impossibility of a novice disarming a seasoned mercenary who has lived by her sword for countless years, Really I'm not_) Yeah right.

The Kero had her try out against people with various levels of ability, she bested each one. She tried her at archery, Bullseye every time. This went on for some time and Kero began to become frustrated, she was beginning to hope the Mary Sue would fall herself, but no, the Magic was too strong. To add insult to injury her hair stayed perfectly in place. Sierra smiled, she was in the Mary Sue groove, the force was with her etc.

OK, this is starting to annoy even me. It's time to end this Chapter on an excruciating note. And just to be cruel, you'll never know what happened next. Something did, but I'm not saying.

**PS: In answer to Miss PETEY Rep- Because I can. Besides I'm just evil that way. Oh, he might lose his clothes again, we'll just see. (_Evil laugher)_**


	9. Chapter 6 Bring Out Yer Dead

_**As I seem to be turning into quite the little Necromancer here (Raising the dead and all) I've decided to dedicate this chapter to all the Velgarth characters past. I'm dragging them out of the Havens. After all, if I'm going to profane Misty's works why not go all the way?**_

_**AN: Oh, and Petey Honey, He could lose them at any time, besides how do you know the check is good, after all for a long time he had no pockets. Think about it. **_

_**Oh, and as my pockets are empty good luck trying to collect (Evil snickering, exactly how does one go about snickering anyway? Is there an art to it, or is it an inane (spelling intended) ability?)**_

Chapter 6 Bring out Yer Dead (_I don't own the line Monty Python does_) Posted as

Chapter 9

The next morning (_Once again it's another day_), a strange fog rose from the crevices in the stones of the city. The smell was indescribable (_Hey I like that word, I think I will stick it in five more times, just for the heck of it)_. Coughing and holding their shirts to their mouths a small crowd of people tried to see the queen to complain about the lack of sanitation, but as we know that wasn't the real cause of the city's troubles.

The guard turned them back and the Queen sent for our resident Mary Sue (_The totally untrained Mage, Bard, Mindspeaker, Fetcher, firestarter (Though if the cloud is what we think that it is, it might not go over well, the effect would be indescribable (#1)) and if we remember more, you have what we need)_

Now if you must know, considering the Indescribable(#2) smell, there was no breakfast today. The effect would be similar to an enforced stay in a small room at the Mary Sue Convention (_It's why they give hazard pay to the staff at the convention hall on those occasions_)

Before our Mary Sue could arrive, the cloud blew away and the crowd drew a quick breath of relief. It was a relief that didn't last long.

As they turned to look at their neighbors, some of the more observant people noticed that the crowd was a little larger than it had been a moment before.(_We may guess this was happening all over the city_)

(_You know, I'm guessing the smell is not unlike the quality of this fic, I've actually had someone mention it was Indescribable (#3) or something along those lines)_

Now the new members of our party here were a little strange as you may guess, being dressed in costumes from various ages in Velgarth history, also the looks on their faces were Indescribable (#4), as you must imagine (How would you feel if you were dragged from the Havens and dumped into the middle of Haven)

_AN: Sorry couldn't resist, I'll try to be good, the operative word being try, Oh if you are tired of Indescribables (#5) well, I just used the last one up. Oh Darn, woe is me etc._

One of the crowd at the palace seemed to be better prepared for this weird turn of events as he had been residing in a forest to the north for some time before finally getting to the big forest in the sky. (OK Kiddies do we all know this is?)

He frowned and looked around, this wasn't quite what he had been expecting when he signed up for the long haul. (_But then who could predict a crazed fanfic writer with too much time on her hands, Oh did you know there's actually a website called I'm bored out of my mind? If you don't believe me, check it out with google)_

He walked up to the guards, guarding the door to the palace and paused for a second.

Then another second, and another, the thought just occurred to him, where was Yfandes and Vanyel (_Ha Ha, I bet you thought this was Vanyel_)

He used his gift to talk the guards into letting him in to see the queen, as Elspeth and Darkwind were there, they recognized him instantly.

"Stefan?" Elspeth asked uncertainly.

"Yes" he said looking at the others in the room, he frowned when he came to Sierra and her men. What the heck? He thought to himself.

He shook his head, and turned back to the Queen "Your highness?" he asked uncertainly. (_You know it just occurred to me, do they actually call their Queen this? I think I'd better check. When you think about it, who was the fool that came up with that term Highness anyway? What the heck is that supposed to mean, the image that comes to mind is the nose of a stuck up noble)_

"Yes, I am she" Selenay said. (_Hey where's her sidekick?_)

He looked at her a moment before asking "What am I doing here?"

Neo spoke out "What are any of us doing here?"

Legolas shrugged "I'm not sure, One minute I was happily in Middle Earth minding my own business when suddenly I was here, and married"

"Where's Middle Earth?" Elspeth asked, curious.

"I'm not sure" Legolas said. "But I do know it's not here."

(_This inane dialog went on for some time before I became bored and a little alarmed as they started to come dangerously close to discovering my existence. As I enjoy living I've decided to go on to the next chapter)_

_**AN: You know if you insist on this insane or should I say inane campaign, I'll give you the death of a thousand puns (the horror...)**_


	10. Ch 7 Silly Sappy Songs and Dumb Poetry

_**I've had a great...or... er evil idea. A dedication to the totally bizarre song fic. And to add to the nausea a stupid poem (I hate to admit it , but I've written the thing months ago and now I'm cleaning the fanfic closet) I was going to use Eminems Cleaning out My Closet, but looking at the lyrics, I'm too lazy to replace certain words, could have been funny though.**_

**Oh, I thought of using the Barney- I Love You song, but as I loath Barney and wish not to promote anything to do with him, you are spared. (_Another thought occurred to me (Evil grin), Eminem and Barney doing a duet, what to name it? I Love You, You Hate Me, Stupid (Expletive as this Expletive site won't let me Expletive put the weird symbols for an expletive) Little Druggie) _ **

**Gratuitous Poem**

_**Einey Meenie miney moe**_

_**Catch a Herald **_

_**Take him home**_

_**Fifty times**_

_**Each day I say**_

_**To his Companion**_

_**Have some hay**_

**I was looking through my CD's for something strange and I found one on the music of Iraq, the thought occurred to me that perhaps that would work, but when I looked to check out the lyrics, they were written in Japanese (At least I thought they were the lyrics, I could be wrong as I can't read Japanese).**

**I was looking at some Irish music, but it was too pretty and actually would have worked great for a nice fic (Not quite the effect I'm looking for) Shee-at, unfortunately my taste in music is too good for this thing. (Shameless plug for my taste in music)**

Chapter 7 Silly Sappy Songs and Dumb Poetry Posted as chapter 10

As I seem to have no luck finding a song, I shall write my own. My inspiration is Ch 5, The Name is (The Mary Sue Mojo)—It's sung to the music of Black Magic Woman.

It's the Mary Sue Mojo

It's the Mary Sue Mojo

A little Mary Sue Mojo

And It's getting the dinner outta me

* * *

(_Guitar music, lasts a little while_)

(_Still more guitar music)_

_(More guitar music)_

_(Are still reading this?)_

_(If so, you must be)_

_(More bored)_

_(Than I am)_

_

* * *

_

She's got the Mary Sue Mojo

She's getting the best out of Kero

She's making us ill

* * *

OK, that's enough, this is making me ill. 

Just be glad this site doesn't support sound or I'd be evil enough to make you listen to me sing this. Nope, that would be too embarrassing. I'm just glad nobody knows my real name. Except for my family of course and a few people I told about this thing, Mostly they were wondering what I was laughing my head off about. I do work on this in public if you can believe it.

Oh, for one moment in my life I did sing a song the way it was intended, perfect pitch, the extra little stuff that singers add to make it sound like they know what they are doing, the works really. But alas, it didn't last long, I was so shocked I stopped singing and haven't been able to do it since (_I think it was the instance of the monkeys who write Shakespeare, if enough morons (Meaning me) out there do it long enough, someone gets it right)_

And now we end this Chapter on the note of me calling myself a moron. I'm sure there are other people out there that would agree. Be warned though, if I could do that to myself (_calling myself a moron and posting it where millions of people could read it_) what could I do to ...(_Perhaps I rate myself too highly, why would millions of people bother to read this crap anyway)_

**Well, I have chapters 9 and 10 finished and waiting, but not 8. This seems to be the kind of thing I can skip around in and not lose anything. I wonder why? Hmmm...**_  
_


	11. Ch 8 The Bad Guys and the Just Plain Wro...

**Curses galore, an evil fic isn't complete without a few evil people, or otherwise known as villains or "the bad guys." Or as Bush would say 'The Evil doers'. But to add a twist to this since the song fic didn't go so well, we come to our next dedication, The Evil Fanfic - the musical.**

**(_are you still here or have you gone running away in horror yet_?)**

Chapter 8 The Bad Guys and The Just Plain Wrong Fic, Posted as Chapter 11

Slow ominous music as we pan over the city, a hint of evil laughter in the air intertwining with the music.

The scene shifts over the wall and into the Collegium. Oops the camera dips too far and we get an image of dirt, then a cloth wiping off the lens (_Sorry, well not really_).

* * *

Queen Selenay: Woe is me, woe is me. Oh woe is me.

Daren:Woe is us, woe is us, Oh woe is us.

_(Of course the music is slow and sad, not unlike the Poor Jed song from Oklahoma. Hey I didn't see it by choice, I was a captive audience. But for all that it wasn't bad)_

Gratuitous Guard #1: A report to you my Majesties, A report I must make.

Queen Selenay: Hear it I will.

Daren: Hear it we must.

Gratuitous Guard #1: Oh hear it you will, oh hear it you must, A song for your sorrows, a song of broken trust.

Queen Selenay: What trust has been broken, this we must know. Tell us your tale, we wait for your word.

Gratuitous Guard #1: A villain in Haven, a villain I've seen, to prey on old ladies and he kicks small kitties. (_Sorry, I know it sucks, but then so does the rest of this thing_)

Gratuitous Guard #2: A terrible Villain this person he is, a terrible man with no conscience he sins. (_Never mind I don't believe they have the exact concept of sin here_)

Queen Selenay: Oh tell us the name of this terrible man, we wait for your word, a name we must have.

Gratuitous Guards #1 and 2: (in unison) Lord Gerdleys his name, this villain we've seen. He's evil he is, you know what we mean.

Daren: Proof do you have of this evil mans sins? Proof we must have or we can do not a thing.

Gratuitous Guard #1 whips out a roll of paper, bows and hands it to Daren: Proof this here is, proof of his sins. A hangings too good for this piece of (_Censored_)

Next scene is set somewhere in the lovely neighborhood of Exiles gate (_In the background we hear the murmers of the guards hired to protect the equipment of our intrepid camera crew)_

Tellos(_Hey he was fired as muse and had to find work somewhere_): A thief here I am, A right handy man. If a bauble you want, then I'm yer man.

Gratuitous Tarts (_If you know what I mean_) #1,2 and 3: (_In unison_) If baubles you want then this here's yer man.

A sprightly tune starts up and the Tarts go into a dance, swirling around Tellos.

Tarts #1, 2 ans 3: A man to get baubles, a thief he sure is, a great thief he is. You'll just have to see. A man to get baubles, a man to stay free.

The Chorus of beggar children start a refrain in the background, what they sing I'm not sure, but the melody fits in with what the Tarts are singing.

Suddenly the music grinds to a halt as a strong hand grabs the back of Tello's neck. Tarts flee and children scatter.

Gratuitous Guard #3: So a thief ye are, a thief ye claim to be? A place fer yer kind we have, you'll just have to see.

* * *

Fade to black, then to a rich looking town home.

Gratuitous Guards 1,2,3,4, and many more crash in the door, with a clash of symbols and a swell of dramatic music.

Guards (_In unison_): A Lord do we Hunt, an evil mans sins, will he pay for in blood. Tis Lord Gerdley we seek, the mans going down. That's just how it is.

Lord Gerdley: No you can't do this now, not when I'm almost done, a wedding to vow and I'd be set up too good.

Gratuitous Guard #1: A wedding you say, which maiden do you seek?

Lord Gerdley: Sierra's her name, her hand do I seek.

Guards look at each other and burst into laughter.

Lord Gerdley, looking confused sings:What causes your mirth, what have I just said. What causes that smirk?

Guards (In unison): The lass that you seek, beyond your grasp is. A marriage she has, tis hard to believe.

Lord Gerdley: No I don't believe it, Impossible it is, to have someone do this, pulling one over on me.

**Me: Wrong this thing is, I do know that fact, but I can't seem to care, so continued it is. Crap for your pleasure, churned out by the page. Cry foul if you wish. Do I care, not a fig. So do go on and spew, I care not if you do. But just think to your sorrow, it could have been worse, The Mary Sue Mojo could have been added to this.**


	12. Ch 9 Not from Outer Space

**And so we come to our next endeavor, thinking on the Circles of Change, I come upon our next Dedication, Creepy Critters. And as this is pulling stuff from everybody and his cousin, I am introducing Cheesy Sci-Fi Movie Critters. You know those movies (_Plan 9 from Outer Space comes to mind_). I believe Ed Wood owns most of these, if not, they are not mine and that's all that matters. (_Oh, and for your entertainment I will be sticking in the odd critter that comes fresh from my warped mind, you'll just have to guess which is which)(Just kidding about the last part, sorry I shouldn't have gotten your hopes up)_**

Chapter 9 Not from Outer Space (I swear I didn't Plan this unless you think it's clever. Then I did) Posted as Chapter 12

The Queen and her Heralds had just gotten the mess of the last few chapters cleaned up when the first reports from the guard came in.

"Giant produce?" Selenay asked confused.

"What was that?" Daren asked.

"There are reports of isolated attacks from giant rolling vegetables" she said, still shaking her head.

Skif looked up from the report he was reading, a smile on his face "You don't have to worry, the Heralds down there herded the things into Exile's gate. The people will eat well this winter" he said.

"Your Majesty" the guard burst in the door.

"Yes?" she said, wondering what was coming next.

"A small rabbit has been killing men on Coopers street" he said when he finally got his breath back (_Yes, I know this one's not actually a sci-fi movie, but hey, I like Monty Python)_

Another guard walked in, a couple of reports in his hands. Mutely he passed them to Daren and after Selenay had given the orders for archers to search for the rabbit she turned to look at her husband.

He looked up and shook his head "there's a strange jelly like object that is swallowing everything it touches" he said, looking a little sick.

"We'll take care of it" Elspeth said, she got directions before she and Darkwind took off to deal with the problem.

Selenay looked at her husband "What was the other report?" she asked.

* * *

Greggory stared in disbelief at the pile of fuzzy purring furballs laying in the middle of Companions field, he shook his head. It seemed to get larger every so often. 

A healer walked up to see what the Companions were looking at, she picked one up and idlely examined it "Oh" she exclaimed in disgust as she dropped it back on the pile.

"Get rid of them, quickly" she said urgently.

From the other side of the field there was a flash of light and when it cleared a confused looking man stood there. Huh, he thought, how'd I get here? (_Yeah yeah, I know he's not a critter, and he's not cheesy, but he is from a sci-fi story, so there. You know the thought occurred to me about Sierra. Nope bad author, don't think)_

He frowned and snapped his fingers, another flash of light and the grass was empty again, along with the pile of purring furballs, even Q isn't that cruel.

Are you still waiting for the second report? Too bad, I'm feeling evil today.

Harry (_Not Harry Potter, this is a different one, perhaps his evil twin, yeah that's it_) walked his beat down near the Compass Rose, he liked this one, all he mostly had to deal with were tipsy blues on most days. He heard a commotion ahead and sighed, it looked like this wouldn't be a repeat of most days. He kept a hand on his sword and cautiously approached the source of the noise.

He wrinkled his nose in disgust at the pile of steaming ash wrapped in a black cape (_Hey it's daytime what else would you expect?)_

_( I know, I know that's low even for an Evil Sic Fic_)

Harry looked into a nearby alley, what the hey? He thought. A wizened little thingamajig wearing a robe stood there looking back at him.

"May the force be with you" it said to him.

It talks, he thought in confusion, maybe it's one of the nonhuman envoys who had taken to visiting Haven these last few years. He reached to give him a hand, but his went right through the critters middle.

* * *

Selenay looked at Daren waiting to hear what the second report had to say. He opened his mouth to tell her... 

**Have you noticed that Sierra is nowhere to be found in this little piece of Evil? Well, the respite is not to last. For all you Vampire fans out there, sorry I just couldn't resist. And here I end this chapter, what's that I hear? Cheering? Oh you really want me to continue? What's that, groans? Well, too bad the worst is yet to come. (_Evil laughter slowly trailing off..._)**

** AN: Don't worry miss Petey rep, it's coming...  
**


	13. Ch 10 The OCD, Not OOC, COD or ING

**And another Dedication for your reading displeasure, Stilted dialog and obsessive attention to random details. (_Not that we didn't have that before, but now it's official)_**

Chapter 10 The OCD, Not OOC, COD or ING, Posted as Chapter 13 (Our Lucky Number)

_(No wait, I think I'll save silly superstitions for a future chapter)_

Sierra sighed, even with her Mary Sue magic, she had found her hair a little messy this morning, after all who wouldn't be a little stressed out by the last few days.

She looked up at Legolas and smiled "Hey, there."

"Hey" he said.

Neo looked up from the paper he was reading "Hey."

Harry looked over at her "Hey, to you too."

He looked at the ceiling, the crack in the corner was pretty interesting, it seemed deep and ran across the whole corner. Idly he wondered how deep it ran. He wondered if that part of the ceiling would fall in someday and if the crack was deep enough to touch the top of the building. If it was, the next time it rained, there could be a problem here in the library. But he really saw no sign of that, there were no water stains and he felt that they would have taken care of the problem by now if it had been that severe. He wondered if there were a way to test how deep the crack was. He would have to think about it. A new spell, sounds like a good project.

The sound of another voice broke him from his musing.

"Hey there" they all looked up to see a black haired and blue eyed man standing near their table. He was pretty for a man, his eyes were a deep blue and the dark ebony of his hair contrasted nicely with his pale skin. He wore white. (_OK, I didn't say repetitive I said stilted, though it is a random detail or so it seems to me, stop that. babbling wasn't part of the program either)_

He must be a Herald Sierra thought to herself, she sighed. He might have been a good addition to her group, but she had the feeling that three men were all she could handle now. (_Whew, close call for Kris wouldn't you say?)_

"Hey" she said back.

"Can I sit here" he asked.

"Yes you can sit here" she said.

Neo grumbled "Why here?"

"This is my table" he said

Sierra nudged Neo "Be good, bad boy, bad bad boy. Be nice the the Herald, he outranks you."

"But I'm the One, no one outranks me" he said.

"You're in Valdemar now" she said.

He shook his head in confusion, he was the one. That had to mean something didn't it?

Harry looked back at the crack, hmmm I really need to work on that spell. Was it just his imagination or was it getting larger, nope he thought, just my imagination. He sighed and daydreamed about the crack and the depth of it. A new thought occurred to him, did it run through the wall, if so how far did it run. Would the wall fall down? He wasn't sure, but with all the students from the collegium that came through this room, he was hoping that someone would have noticed the crack and fixed it before the wall falls down.

"So, what's a guy like you doing in a place like this?" Sierra asked.

"Huh?" he asked, not really knowing what she meant (_As none us of do either we will move on)_

The Crack really did seem to be getting bigger as he looked at it. Harry took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, I really need to get some sleep he thought to himself, maybe after I figure out the crack spell.

"I haven't seen you here before" Sierra said.

"I was dead" Kris said.

"Oh, sounds like fun" she said

Kris gave her the strangest look, before quickly picking up his books and putting some distance between himself and these strange people. Discretion really is the better part of valor, especially when dealing with Mary Sues.

A spider crawled from the crack, Harry stiffened for a moment, but no this wasn't the chamber of secrets and so, a spider was only a spider. But then how big was the crack anyway, were there colonies of spiders living within the crack? He pondered the question, almost forgetting the crack checking spell. But no he turned back to the project he had given himself. As long as he was here he might as well make himself useful.

Sierra looked over at Legolas "Say Leggy."

He winced, he had never liked that name "Yes, my love? The light of my life."

"Have you ever heard of something called PETE?" she asked.

He thought for a moment, then shook his head "No, I have never heard of them"

She looked upset at this "Then why did you write a check to them?"

"What? I wrote no checks. By the way what's a check?" he said.

"I'm not sure, but this says you wrote a check" she said, handing him a piece of paper.

He looked at it confused "It wasn't me"

_**And so we have it. An elf imposter, Miss PETEY Rep, perhaps you should have checked to see that the ears weren't glued on. Besides when have you ever heard of an elf from Middle Earth writing checks, shouldn't he have just given you some silver or gold coins, though that would have been hard to hide in ones long golden tresses. Oh and perhaps the IRS would be interested in what I would assume is a non-profit accepting payment for services hahahahaha**_

**Oh, I posting this earlier than I was going to. I'm getting together with my Evil family again for Easter and I want to clear all the currently done stuff in case we have fun again... who knows**_**  
**_


	14. Ch 11 What the Heck are you Called Anywa...

_**Miss petty rep, I hope they don't have you working on the legal documents, where did it say Lego las isn't an elf? He just isn't the elf you've been working with. "It wasn't me" as he said.**_

**I've been amusing myself for some time at what spell check does to the names of Valdemar and so we come to this chapters dedication, an ode to spell check. I will run it over the whole thing when I am done and you get to guess who is who. The only clue I give is that names are underlined.**

Chapter 11 What the Heck are you Called Anyway? Posted as Chapter 14

Sierra walked to her next class, for once she wasn't trailed by the men, Neon and Lego las were at the Salle and Harry, well, Harry was busy working on his crack spell.

She sighed, she hadn't had much time with Greggory lately. Actually ever since she had arrived at Haven. If she didn't know better, she'd think he'd been avoiding her, but that wasn't possible. Was it? No, she decided, it was just bad luck (_You have to know, I have some severe _Greggory_ torture planned in a coming chapter. But don't blame me, it was sort of by request) _

Danyelle, Stephen and Glandes walked together through Companions field. They noticed the Sierra walking quickly through that corner of the field.

"Who's that?" Danyelle asked.

"I'm not sure, I saw her with the Queen the day that we came back to life" Stephen said.

Glandes snorted :I pity Greggory, but he Choose her:

Selena sat back at the table and looked over to Daren. He smiled at her and took a sip of his wine.

"So, how are Dark wind and Elspeth doing in Ardor's?" he asked.

(_You have to know I'm going to try to stick as many names as I can in this thing_)

A knock on the door, brought that conversation to an end and both of them looked up to see another man walk in the door.

Selena smiled and said "Kris, It's great to see you well."

He smiled and nodded "I wanted to ask you about a trainee."

"Who would that be?" Selena asked.

"I don't know her name, but she has three strange men following her around, one isn't human" he said shaking his head.

"Oh, that would be Sierra, she's new and has almost as many talents as Danyelle Ashkenazim. "

"Is that possible?" Kris asked.

"She's a Mary Sue" Selena said as if that explained it.

"Oh, it all makes sense now" was all Kris said.

Kerouac sat in the Salle brooding, the Mary Sue is going down she thought to herself, it was too dangerous to Valdemar to have one of those here.

:I'm with you as long as you don't kill her, we have to think about Greggory: Villainy sent to her.

Kerouac smiled and made her plans.

Alberich sat back in his rooms (That's it, I just wanted to get his name in here too).

Skiff climbed the roof of the palace as he did from time to time to keep in practice.

Talia walked beside Role during one of the few free times she had, Dirk and Aphrodite followed along behind.

(_Does it seem just plain wrong to you that spell check changes all these names, but it doesn't touch Mary Sue)_

Mandrake flew high over the palace, an intruder? heh heh, this is going to be fun, he thought as he began his dive.

Skiff shouted in surprise as something plucked him off the roof, he hadn't even seen it coming, what ever it was.

_(And no, no character of the books has been harmed in the writing of this story, at least physically. So Skiff lives)_

Falcons bane sat drooling in the corner of the pub (_Hey you have to work with what you have, his soul and mind were destroyed)_

Ur tho stood on the wall of the city, looking off into the distance, it had been so long since he had been in this mortal world. He sighed and turned back to retrace his steps.

An car  lurked in the shadows, he was still confused about how he had ended up here, but he wasn't complaining from what he could remember he had been in a bad place.

Tarmac and Kathryne walked side by side down the winding city street, they still hadn't found Chryste's husband yet.

Amber drake sighed, this place was very strange. And he still wasn't sure how he had come to be here, he thought he had been dead. He was almost certain of that fact.

Danyelle had kept his eyes open for his aunt Sail but of course we know he wouldn't find her and I believe that the Companions were still interested in keeping their secrets.

Sundanese sat quietly in his rooms reading, Selena had asked him to help discover what had been causing the events of the last few days.

Leaven walked besides his lifebonded and Companion.(_Thought I'd write her name? Well I forgot it and I'm too lazy to check just now. Besides it's probably one of the books still in storage)_

**Oh, just to be evil. I'm letting you in on a secret, when I finally end this thing I'm planning to do something truly evil to Sierra. But you'll just have to wait and see, I'll give you a clue. I've discovered the source of the Mary Sue Mojo. But who knows how many chapters you'll have to wade through before you get to it.(_Evil Laughter_)**


	15. Ch 12 Will the Real Mary Sue Please Stan...

**OK, this chapter is by sort of by request, It's not exactly what they asked for but well, I think it's funny. A dedication to stupidity, and a warped application of some of Mercedes ideas. (_Oh, and don't forget the bad puns) _Talking of puns my sister asked me recently if Keros last name wasn't syrup, she's the one who came up with Mary Sue Keebler. She must have food on the brain.**

Chapter 12 Will the Real Mary Sue Please Stand Up (Eminem can have it, but I'm not sure he'd want it after I'm done) Posted as Chapter 15

Sierra walked the halls of the palace. She had left her men behind. They had discovered the Salle, Legolas and Neo anyway, and Harry? Well Harry was working on his crack spell.

_(Besides, for the so called plot of this next chapter, she needs to be all by her lonesome)_

She looked up as she felt the first stirring of magic, somebody was working on a spell. Walking quickly she found the door and entered the room.

"Hey wait!" a voice called out (_But as we know Mary Sues really do know best) _and she simply walked right in and into the middle of something, a rapidly expanding pile of paper, she slipped and fell and as she rolled away another, then another, and another body rolled out of thin air after her.

Soon the room was filled with others and she was crowded out along with the old man, who had tried to warn her off. "What?" she asked, confused. Then she froze, each new face was too familiar and she found herself looking into the eyes of many Sierras, each with the same rather witless expression on their faces.

Sejanes began to look rather green as the effect of a Mary Sue many times multiplied began to take effect in the room and hallway.

She looked at the man and asked "What happened?"

"You walked right into the middle of a replicating spell" he said, trying vainly to breath through his mouth.

"What's that?" many voices asked. And it was too much for Sejanes, he was an old man after all and he ran for the open air, many Marys hot on his heels.

Greggory had felt something strange and had come closer to the palace. Then without warning an old man came out a door, running as fast as he could with a crowd fast on his heels.

_(Can you see what's coming, I have been telling you how evil I am. But no, you don't believe me)_

The crowd stopped in tandem at the sight of Greggory. "Greggory!" they cried with one voice and swarmed the poor Companion.

If a Companion could gulp, he would have. He was surrounded with no way out.

:Help, Help me: the pitiable cry went out and the other Companions came running to him. They stopped dead at the sight of the many Sierras all hugging Greggory to death, uh unfortunately it wasn't quite to death. Just wishing for death.

As they watched more Sierras came boiling out of the door and they backed away quickly. This went on for some time before the flood trickled and came to an end. When it was done, there must have been around a hundred Sierras crowding around a wild eyed Greggory.

_( I did promise Greggory torture, didn't I?)_

"What's going on here?" Kero came running out of the Salle, her students boiling out after her. Her eyes widened in shock at the sight of so many Mary Sues. They're taking over, I always knew it would happen she thought with nausea.(_A common Mary Sue reaction_)

(_The horror, the Horror...)_

:Snap out of it: Sayvil said sharply.

Sejanes stepped forward, he was losing his green face, the effect of so many Marys was diluted outside, it was only in enclosed places and enforced proximity that brought out the full effect.

"She stepped into a replication spell" he said shakily.

"A what?" Kero asked.

"A replication spell, it's the spell we use in the Empire to make copies of important papers" he said. Who would have guessed how dangerous such a simple spell could be? he thought.

"Is there a cure or counter to it?" Kero asked urgently, one was bad enough, but a hundred?

"Yes, but I'd have to find it and we need to find the original girl" he said, still a little sick. He shuddered every time he looked at the group around Greggory.

Sierra was beginning to feel a little ill herself, she knew who she was and got the feeling these others thought they knew who they were too. They all shared the same memories from the time she had rolled out of the spell. But she knew, she was the original, each one had slightly different memories after they had been made. The newest having the most...

_(You know, I'm nauseating myself with the thought that I've spent too much time thinking about this, I mean really Evil, Evil fic, not a serious story) (Disclaimer time again, if you haven't realized by now, this is meant to be stupid)_

_**Oh no, ahhhh, I just looked to the side, 30 pages? This was really supposed to be a one-shot.**_

So much for that plan, ok.

They spent much of the day sorting the Sierras (_Sounds catchy_), Sejanes looked through his books for the antidote spell.

He worked hard, wading through all of his papers, he dearly hoped that the spell wasn't one of those that had been left in the Empire when they had first come to Hardorn. It was a common spell after all and who would have guessed the urgency of an antidote.

The faint murmur of the Mary Sue crowd made cold chills run down his spine and he searched all the harder for the curse, uh make that cure. Ah, I've found it, he thought with relief. Grabbing the book he almost ran to the group of mages near the Sierras. "I've found it!" he gasped out as he arrived.

"Great, what do we need for the spell?" one of the mages asked.

"First we need to find the girl, the real Sierra, then we may proceed from there. If we pick the wrong one, she dies and the Companion with her" he said.

_At this point I'm thinking Greggory didn't care as long as he was free._

(_Now the thought occurs to me. All they have to do is ask Greggory which one is the real Sierra. After all he is only bonded to her, the others are just copies. But no, that makes too much sense for a Evil fic so they will work out a long and involved plan for figuring out the truth or...)_

Harry walked out of the palace entrance and stopped dead at the sight of so many Sierras, his eyes widened and he looked confused for a moment before walking up to one of the Sierras "Love, what's going on? These girls look just like you" he said.

She hugged him and the mages who had been trying to figure out how the hell they would be able to find the correct Sierra sat back and breathed a sigh of relief. Now all they had left was the spell.

_(Now I'm wondering here whether I should just end things here leaving the multitude of Marys... No, I don't believe I will. I don't wish for a cyber lynch mob out for my blood. It's just a story, a dumb story, but oh well...) (Maybe a poem about Sorting the Sierras and the Multitude of Marys, it does sound catchy, but no. It's time to end this chapter, bah...)_

Sejanes, set up the spell and it went quickly, with a puff of smoke all but Sierra disappeared and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. But knowing me and my warped mind you have to know it won't be for long.


End file.
